Your 20's.

I am one hundred percent sure that I am not old enough to speak on "my 20's", considering the fact that I have only been in my 20's since September of last year. 

And yet today I experienced my first "oh my gosh, what am I doing? What is this?" moment that I hear so many fellow 20+ year olds talking about and let me tell you!!! It was petrifying! Truly! 

That, on top of a scary diagnosis in my family, financial struggles, and feelings of disappointment made this week very rough. Some days I'd just cry on and off for the whole day. It terrified me- the idea that this season of my life might not go as I had planned, that I'm not where I want to be. That maybe I never will be. 

Your twenties is a moment in your life where you might not know what you're doing. Maybe you just got out of college and you're job hunting, or maybe you decided to forgo college to pursue something else, or maybe you're in a job already. Maybe you're very single. Maybe you're married. So weird, right?! It also might be a moment where you're not exactly rolling in cash. You might be pretending that a clif bar is an acceptable "dinner." You might be rationing your ramen. Your gas tank might be always low. 

I'm learning it's a messy, confusing time. But something that's very, very exciting about it is that, because it's messy and I don't know what I'm doing, I can put all my trust in God, knowing He's already figured it out for me. In this place of vulnerability and hardship, I can desperately lean on my creator when it seems like there's nothing and no one else to lean on. In these real moments I can be comforted and rely on God in a way that, if I had everything figured out, I wouldn't be able to. 

After a particularly hard day, when I plopped my face on my bed and cried, then moved my head up a bit because I was getting mascara on my clean sheets, I faintly remembered a verse. 

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you
— 1 Peter 4:12 (NIV)
Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.
— 1 Peter 4:12 (MSG)

God never promised a life without hardships. It shouldn't be a shock when we experience pain, or when our lives don't go according to plan. What He did promise, however, was that He'd be there for us, guide us, comfort us, and provide for us in ways we can't even imagine. Also, suffering, hardships, and struggles are perfect times to remember how Jesus experienced those exact things and feelings as well. He experienced loss, pain, a need for provision, temptation, so He understands.
In this season of confusion and frustration, I am encouraged to let go and turn to Him, building up my perseverance, faith, and deepening my relationship with my creator, "with glory just around the corner."