I'm back from my trip to London! I was there for a month taking a Summer course at Guildhall School of Music and Drama.
It changed my life.
I don't think I'll ever be able to express how happy I am that I went. It was a pretty crazy decision (meaning it took loads of faith)- I saved up a lot of money to go study something I had no idea about (Shakespeare) somewhere I am not familiar with (London), all in the name of... A feeling? A pull? In hindsight it sounded crazy. But it was so worth it.
From the beginning it changed me. We flew into Denmark, where we have family, and to see them again after a decade was like getting to know a whole new side of my family. And Copenhagen is stunning. I'll get into details in the next few blog posts.
After that we flew to London and prepared for the next day (first day of class!) Everything from the city, to the instructors, to my classmates, was perfect. It was like the confirmation I'd been waiting for. "This was the right decision. You're ok. You're on the right path." I can't express how happy I was the first day.
The next few weeks were a dream. I fell in love with the city. I honestly didn't think I'd love London as much as I did, and now I drink tea from my mug I bought in London and relish in gloomy, rainy days. I met people who I want to know and befriend for the rest of my life. I fell in love with acting again. I reveled in Shakespeare! I walked alone (a big deal for someone who's struggled with anxiety.) I found myself again.
I found out that I love to hug people. I like being there for others and listening and appreciating the beauty that is other people- I mean aren't humans amazing? Before I would close myself off, protect myself from looking like I was caring too much. I learned that I am bold, loud, and outgoing and I do not need to apologize for it. I learned that I can keep going even when I feel like I can't. I discovered that the world is much bigger than what I had made it.
See, I had put myself in this box. Yes, there are awesome possibilities in my life but they only stretch so far- anything more than that is crazy. Not going to college? Too crazy. Pursuing my dreams fully and boldly? Too crazy. Unapologetically being myself? Too crazy.
Yet when I was in London, my eyes were opened to the fact that I was stopping myself from living. I mean, really living. I was shrinking my possibilities by only allowing myself to think of "reachable" goals, "realistic" goals. But "realistic" will only get you so far, and I'm not trying to live a "realistic" life.
Everything is amazing. I have so much work to do, so much to prepare for, so much to think about, but everything is amazing. It's a change in perspective I didn't even realize I needed.
I am so grateful I took this risk, so happy I allowed myself to be affected and transformed by this experience. If there's something you've been meaning to do, now is the time. If there's somewhere you feel called to, go. Save up the money. Make the plan. And do it. You won't regret it.
More stories from my trip coming soon. For now I just wanted to let you know that RISKS ARE SO WORTH IT!
Much love, Nikka