I haven't been posting much lately. Although I have been very busy, there's something I've been meaning to mention. As I was talking to my Mum about this, she stopped me and said: "write a blog post about it". I immediately rejected the idea; who wants to be publicly vulnerable? But, I figure things out through writing and I kind of realized that if someones having a hard time with being a perfectionist, they'd want to hear a similar story. So here it goes.
I'm very goal-driven and I have a set plan for things. When they don't work out (plans never work out), it makes me feel disappointed and unaccomplished. Whenever I have an idea and it starts to go a different direction or isn't as successful as I thought, I become so discouraged. Yet I forget to look at the other positives that come with it. Growth, learning new things, experience!
What I'm saying is if I keep seeing the negatives, I'm missing out on the sweet little positives. Maybe you feel like you haven't done much in your life, or aren't moving forward. But I want to encourage you that first of all, you are not alone. Also, maybe you're turning a blind eye to the little victories because you're so focused on that huge goal you want to achieve. Goals take time, brainstorm a bit, write a list of awesome things you have done, and be proud of it. Make this a weekly or daily thing; before you go to sleep, list three things you did that made you proud of yourself. Self love is the start to following your dreams in a healthy and positive way!
I know some people may think "well she looks like she has it all together" or "didn't she just have a premiere? That's pretty accomplished." But the thing with perfectionism is that nothing is ever enough. If I keep letting it happen, no amount of success will ever be enough- it's saddening, because I'm missing out on celebrating my victories and learning from my defeats. Instead, I'm letting everything deflate me because it's not "huge" or "life changing".
This feeling of not enough can stem from insecurities or dreams that never happened. In my case, I had my life all figured out, a pretty plan that I'd follow diligently and I expected the world to follow as well. Now I realize that I don't have the plan. You don't have the plan. I have no idea what will happen to me one year, one month, one week from now. Having goals is good, and planning out the steps to achieve them is better! But I need to realize that I am not in control. It is not my plan for my life, but God's plan for me.
I think my perfectionist tendencies are something I'll have to deal with for a long time. It takes getting up in the morning and telling yourself you are enough and what you are doing is important and good. I know that my dreams will not be accomplished if I stay stressed and disappointed. If I don't deal with this, I'll overwork myself until I can't anymore, and that's not somewhere I want to be. Just know you are exactly where you're supposed to be, you can and will do amazing things, and self love is the best way to battle the nagging monster of perfectionism.